Live Your Life....

Have you ever think about the meaning of Being Alive?
have you ever thought about what your life should be?

Every person live their life in their own way.
some preferred it to be Challenging,
some Preferred it to be Normal.
for now, i'm kinda felt lost about how my life should be....
i dreamed about a relaxing, chilling kinda life.
spend my time, with the person i like...
doing things that we enjoy doing...

and now...?
every single day, doing the same thing again and again,
over and over again...
all bored up, all alone....
don't even have a friend to chat with,when i'm bored.

you might say:[Hey, you can find me and chat whenever you wanted to.]
my answer would be: [No... i don't want to chat with just any ordinary friends.]

know why?
because i know you guys don't really cared. i needed someone who really cared, who i felt safe sharing my secrets with...
someone who i know, will be there for me when i needed them.
and sorry for Christians, i don't believe the whole 'God is always by your side.' thing.
sorry to say, i'm not trying to prove your believes are wrong,
just that my believe is that i decide my faith, not someone who i never saw, and will never be able to see, that decides my faith.

and some of you knew that i had a crush on somebody..
just to let you all know, sad to say that, i had this bad feeling, that the Shine of Hope is fading...
i don't even have the strength to pull myself up and work for what i want.
i don't know what causes this, and i don't know how to get rid of it.
i don't even know who to get help from.

so many stupid moves that i've taken, resulting several stabs into my heart.
maybe the wound is still there, maybe it never healed, maybe it'll stay there forever.
no one to be blamed for the stupid things i did.
and are not asking for forgiveness for the stupid things that I've done.
and yes, I'm still doing stupid things, even though i know what i really should be doing.

and yes, i must thanks someone for shining up my days recently,
although is too foreign to be seeing this, but Thanks.
Thursday will be the one day that'll make a difference.
Whether we'll become closer friends, or part and move on with our life.
but still, i have to thank you, for giving me such nice times and chats,
although we've just known each other like a few weeks.
maybe it is true, like what you say, AMC and ST does suites each other.
maybe there's some kind of weird power, pulling us closer.

Lastly, i'm sorry, for all the stupid things that i've done, that i'm doing, and that i'm going to do next.