Live Your Life....

Have you ever think about the meaning of Being Alive?
have you ever thought about what your life should be?

Every person live their life in their own way.
some preferred it to be Challenging,
some Preferred it to be Normal.
for now, i'm kinda felt lost about how my life should be....
i dreamed about a relaxing, chilling kinda life.
spend my time, with the person i like...
doing things that we enjoy doing...

and now...?
every single day, doing the same thing again and again,
over and over again...
all bored up, all alone....
don't even have a friend to chat with,when i'm bored.

you might say:[Hey, you can find me and chat whenever you wanted to.]
my answer would be: [No... i don't want to chat with just any ordinary friends.]

know why?
because i know you guys don't really cared. i needed someone who really cared, who i felt safe sharing my secrets with...
someone who i know, will be there for me when i needed them.
and sorry for Christians, i don't believe the whole 'God is always by your side.' thing.
sorry to say, i'm not trying to prove your believes are wrong,
just that my believe is that i decide my faith, not someone who i never saw, and will never be able to see, that decides my faith.

and some of you knew that i had a crush on somebody..
just to let you all know, sad to say that, i had this bad feeling, that the Shine of Hope is fading...
i don't even have the strength to pull myself up and work for what i want.
i don't know what causes this, and i don't know how to get rid of it.
i don't even know who to get help from.

so many stupid moves that i've taken, resulting several stabs into my heart.
maybe the wound is still there, maybe it never healed, maybe it'll stay there forever.
no one to be blamed for the stupid things i did.
and are not asking for forgiveness for the stupid things that I've done.
and yes, I'm still doing stupid things, even though i know what i really should be doing.

and yes, i must thanks someone for shining up my days recently,
although is too foreign to be seeing this, but Thanks.
Thursday will be the one day that'll make a difference.
Whether we'll become closer friends, or part and move on with our life.
but still, i have to thank you, for giving me such nice times and chats,
although we've just known each other like a few weeks.
maybe it is true, like what you say, AMC and ST does suites each other.
maybe there's some kind of weird power, pulling us closer.

Lastly, i'm sorry, for all the stupid things that i've done, that i'm doing, and that i'm going to do next.

It is Time...

It is here, and this is very crucial....
The Time has come...
Wish me Luck...

Wishes.

For now, i really don't have any demands for things,
because there are nothing else i should ask for.

the only thing that i wished for, for now, is that
things will be worked out, for both of us.
really Really wishes that She could take another step, into my world, into my life,
deeper, closer....

come to think about it, how silly i am, posting about this wish,
knowing that she wont know about, and yet i posted about this..

we weren't even close before, and still, we ain't that close now either,
but somehow, we got closer...
and yes, i DO wish it'll get much more closer....

maybe because i'm selfish, i needed someone, and i wished that she could be that particular someone..
but life must be fair, and i shouldn't be forcing anyone,
i know, in the deepest part of my heart, that nothing will be worked out,
if she don't need anyone right now...
relationship is a mutual thing, it only will run smooth if there are mutual feeling toward each other..
i want that relationship to run smooth, and lengthy...

i need to know the answer...
and i don't know how and when i can get the answer..
only time will show to me, the answer to all my question,
that has been frequently running through my mind...

[Feeling]

Just a bit to share.

people said that Worker Life is very stressful, especially when you are working in the capital of the country.
this doesn't seems truthful to me,
life has been pretty boring for me,
this is the routine of my lifestyle nowaday:
-wake up around 6:30 and get prepared
- drove to work, roughly about 30mins to 1hour.(no breakfast)
- work til about 1pm or 2pm, go for lunch, (basically it's finish work about 1pm or 2pm.)
- go back home and start online until about 12am or 1 am.


now, i kinda missed my life in Uni, and even Secondary...
i have my family to hang out with during my secondary, and my course-mate and House-mate during my Uni life.
my Colleagues? yea, they are my house-mate, but i don't wanna hang out with them.
because:
1: They are Indonesian, hang out with them? no way, i cant understand WTH they are saying
2: They are Smokers, i Hate Smoker.
3: Their Lifestyle just can't fit in to Mine! Man, they even eat Tilapias which are caught from nearby Rivers! you understand that? Tilapias from Rivers in KL! i'll die faster if i eat those!

basically, Virtual Life is what that have been entertaining me lately, but sometimes it gets quiet too.


i recall my Secondary lifestyle~
studying in Library at night are so Cool~ where people who really knows you hang out with you, chat with you, even ask you out for Yum Cha after that~
Lots of BS during Yam Cha session, but those are the days..

Also, there are this period of time when i had a crush on my Classmate. yea, she was beautiful, gorgeous to be exact. so many things was going through my mind when i'm having a crush on her. Mixed feelings... man, i even sat under the moon deep thinking for like 2 hours, because of her, i think...

That was stupid, i know, haha, but i DID enjoyed the atmosphere that time.
try and imagine,
sitting under the Moon, with insect noises here and there...
when you look around, there are no body, and in front of you is a empty football field.
now ask yourself, where can you find this kind of places now? unless you're from a Village area....

other moments that i missed so much is the time when i'm dating, but i shall not post it now...
maybe next time...
maybe never.... who knows...